


Girls Don't Want Boys, Girls Want Pie makers

by Queer_Queen



Series: St Trinian's/Pushing Daises Crossovers [2]
Category: Pushing Daisies, St Trinian's (2007)
Genre: Drabble, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, M.I.7, Warning for fluff, because the underage bit is at the beginning and without any relationship, but not really, could be considered underage, i'll tag if it happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-05-30 01:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6401893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queer_Queen/pseuds/Queer_Queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ned gets a job cooking at St. Trinian’s (and gets seduced by Kelly)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kelly and her Man

It was love at first bite.

St. Trinian’s new cook made decent burgers, pastas and salads but he made brilliant pies. They were like a slice of heaven and the taste positively exploded in her mouth. Kelly was currently eating a slice of one of Ned’s new recipes – Pecan Honey – on the roof of the school. Somehow that brilliant man had drawn her in and before she knew it she was testing his pies. Humming as she licked a drizzle of honey off her finger she considered her pie maker, and he was definitely Her pie maker - she had staked her claim long ago. They had met for the first time after the evening meal, when she went into the kitchen looking for a snack – her Tae Kwon Do practice always built up an appetite.

He had been baking, like he always was, and she had been lured in by the scent of freshly baked strawberry pie.

Before she pushed open the door she got a positively lovely look of his black shirt stretched over nice broad shoulders, oh he was a tall one, and in that delightful way some men were when they knew they were tall and weren’t used to it yet. Absolutely lovely.

He had been startled by her sudden entrance.

“Gah!” The rolling pin he had been holding dropped, immediately he was fumbling to get it, “Sorry -” and like many men he stopped when he saw her. Kelly felt like rolling her eyes, so predictable, but then he collected himself “Uh, sorry, didn’t see you there.” And he went back to making pies. Interesting. So he had some self-control.

She hops onto the counter, “So you’re the new chef.”

He glances at her and then visibly forces himself to keep his eyes on her face, “Yeah, I’m Ned.”

“Ned the chef?”

“Ned the Pie Maker.”

She allows her eyes to dart over the kitchen, and although she can smell Strawberry pies she does not see them, “Don’t see any pies.”

“Ned the soon to be Pie Maker.” His correction makers her laugh. A small smile curls over his lips.

“I’m Kelly Jones, soon to be head girl.”

“Soon to be?”

“As soon as this one graduates I’ll be one, I’m her protégé.” There is a pause where they’re both looking at each other, “So what’re you making?”

He blushed before looking away, “Strawberry pie.”

“For us girls?”

He looks surprised, “Umm, if you want?”

Kelly smiles, “We want.”

“How many?”

“How big are they?”

He shows her, he’s got lovely hands with long fingers and soft looking palms.

She estimates in her mind, “I’d say twenty.”

He nods at her number before pulling up several pans, hopping off the counter Kelly began to leave before she saw an apron innocently hanging off a hook. An idea sparked in her mind, maybe she could get to know this gorgeous man and after all he couldn’t be that old, could he?

Ned turned away to grab some pie crusts and came face to face (well her face to his chest) with Kelly Jones, “Uh.” He said intelligently.

“I think I’ll help.”

Of course, Kelly reflects, he was a real gentleman and hasn’t yet tried to feel her bum. In Kelly’s opinion that was always a good point for men and women, any bum feeling would come from her. Finishing off the rest of her pecan honey pie Kelly stood from her spot on the over-stuffed beanie and meandered her way downstairs.

Passing by the Sopranos who were obviously plotting something, and a group of Flammables chatting about some new Swedish band, she made her way downstairs to the kitchen.

She had met Ned five months ago, but it had only taken her a week to decide that they would be Mr. and Mrs. Jones one day. She had him all trained up, and he could cook – even if he did have the insufferable habit of vegetarianism, which a bunch of the Ecos had picked up on – and was stunningly pretty. All together Kelly congratulated herself, she had chosen well and he was practically wrapped around her little finger.

Entering the kitchen Kelly smiles slightly, it had been painted like a sky, with bunches of fluffy clouds and v shaped birds, by a group of First Years and Artists, and Ned had practically stuttered his thanks. He was absolutely adorable in every way.

Her absolutely adorable, tall and handsome pie maker.


	2. Ned, Olive, Emerson, Kelly, OH MY!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ned meets Emerson!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't use a Beta, so any grammar/continuity issues please tell me!

Ned, the owner of the Pie Hole - a well respected establishment, with a good number of options on it’s menu, and several loyal clientele - lived a ‘very ordinary life’. At least that’s what he said to Emerson Cod, Private Investigator, when he first met him. This was, of course, after Emerson had witnessed Ned using his ‘special ability’, that is, to wake the dead.

“Pretending that I didn’t just see you wake up a man from a broken neck …”, here Emerson paused so he could show exactly what he though of Ned’s definition of ordinary,  “if you’re so ordinary then why is your ‘humble establishment’ more secure than Fort Knox?” He was talking, of course, about the clear signs of multiple CCTV cameras, the sheen that indicated bullet proof class, and the sign of titanium alloy-reinforced shutters in the frames of the windows.

Before he could get an answer from the increasingly worried and confused Pie maker, a young short, blonde woman calmly exited the restaurant - he would later learn her name was Olive Snook.

“Olive!” Emerson noticed the slight panic in Ned’s voice, and wondered if he was the only one to know of the Pie Maker’s other talent. “Ah, you can go back inside, I was just talking with …” his words were cut off when the woman pulled out a gun and shot him. Ned collapsed, the pink dart prominent against his black and white clothes.

Seeing the gangly Pie Maker go down made Emerson wonder how he kept getting into these messes, “Wait a second little lady, you don’t have to-” and Emerson collapsed as well, unconscious before he could even contemplate what had happened.

Now alone in the alley, Olive glanced around before sighing, why was it that of all the others placed on this assignment, she was the only one to have to deal with a problem. This could look bad on her resume … what would her boss say? Would she even be allowed to go on further missions?

But before she could worry any further, she had to haul in two men that combined probably weighed five times as much as she does. 

She probably should have darted them  _ inside _ the Pie Hole.

…

Ned woke in a panic. 

Looking around he could see that he was in one of the booths in the Pie Hole, the room appeared to be empty and the shutters were down, he couldn’t tell what time it was. He peered closer at the shutters, surely what that man - and he’d have to ask him for a name later - was joking, they couldn’t be anything special, could they? He didn’t exactly buy them, and he couldn’t remember the exact details of the lot before the Pie Hole was built, maybe they were there from before?

He’d have to ask Olive … and then he remembered, Olive had come out and he had been so worried, what if she had heard what that man had said? Would could he do? Only two people in the world knew his secret, not including Digby … Wait a second. “Did Olive shoot me?”, he didn’t even register he said it aloud until he got a response.

“Yes dear.” 

Okay, so the room wasn’t completely empty, spinning around in shock he was his wife standing in front of the bar.

“Kelly? What-,” he stood up and almost immediately crumpled back to the booth, being quickly steadied by her (always) surprisingly strong arm around his.

“Ned look at me.” 

Looking at her, made Ned melt slightly on the inside. Even after six years of marriage his stomach still performed flip flops when he saw her chestnut eyes looking at him, she made his blood pound and his face heat, and speaking to her, being with her, made him feel like he was at the center of the universe, the most important person in a room.

Kelly smiled as her husband met her eyes and blushed ever-so-slightly, after years working her way up the ladder of her agency she was able to see all the signs, things that Ned couldn’t fake. It was enrapturing to have someone so obviously in love with you. Kelly  _ did _ love Ned, but it was a different kind of love from what he felt for her, he was such a pure, unspoiled creature, even with his strange gift. 

For the first three years of their marriage she spent her time climbing the social and political ladders of M.I.7, spending so much time away from him, so she could protect him. After those three years she was able to call spousal privileges of a top agent and put legal protections (the previous ones being not-so-legal) around a his cute little restaurant for him, as well as placing around-the-clock newbie agents. Only in the last year and a half had she been able to include his little ability in the briefing docket - and it took several assassinations and intimidations to get the British government to understand that what was hers was  _ hers  _ and  _ no-one else’s _ .

And now it appeared that she would finally have to come clean to her precious husband. And she was ready to, the sneaking around and lack of information had always made her scared of losing him. Now though, now was the perfect opportunity …

“I have a secret to tell you, dear, and I promise you the only reason I kept it from you was to protect you.”

Ned listened, of course, because he knew what it was like to have an all-encompassing secret, he also knew that since he could trust her, because after all, he had trusted her with his.

...

“So let me get this straight.” Emerson was sitting at a booth, with the crazy tiny blonde next to him, across from the married couple from hell. “Your boytoy,” a grumble came from Ned accompanied with a glare from Mrs. Jones, “fine, house-husband,” another grumble, no glare, “can wake the dead, you are an agent from some crazy agency I’ve never heard of, and miss psycho next to me,” something sharp that may have a been a heel, but was probably a very different kind of stilleto, “I mean, miss lovely next to me, is a junior agent tasked with protecting him. He,” pointing at Ned, “did not know that you are Jane Bond, and now that he does, you want  _ me _ to help ‘train’ him in using his powers, by helping me solve minor cases.”

“Yes, that’s about right.”

Emerson steepled his fingers, itching for his knitting needles, “Now why on earth would I help you?”

The smile she gave him was truly horrifying, like he was a bird that had dropped into a lion’s cage. “Oh, Emerson, why wouldn’t you help me? Ned, of course, does not need additional funds, so all the rewards from the cases, would go solely, to you. In addition, you get resources from  _ my _ agency, then you would never have been able to access before, research? Done. Security clearance? Done. Hacking? Done.” 

He was beginning to warm to this idea, but …“How do I know I’m not signing my soul away?”

Another lion (No, not a lion, a Lion would not have come from their hideaway, to a tiny unknown town in the middle of nowhere for one person, no she was a lioness, someone who was always in the hunt, and ready to show her own talons) Lioness-like grin, she pushed forward the contract that was some unholy mix between an NDA and a Faustian contract, “Sign on the dotted line, and you get full custody of your daughter.”

Emerson signed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that took forever to finish ... I have so many St. Trinian's and Pushing Daisies ideas ... But I have decided before I add any new works that I NEED to finish my old ones, so here's the first!

**Author's Note:**

> 2nd chap coming at some point in time ... will be in future when it's an established relationship from Ned's point of view.  
> Edit: 5/08/2016 2nd chap DONE!!!


End file.
